Poison Ivy

The second day after I finished Fall semester, I found myself at school. Not the school I attend, but one that attracts the attention of people from all over the world, at least much more than almost any school on the planet. In fact, it seemed 40% of the people walking around the grounds were of Asian descent, maybe 20% Indian, white people would trick you into thinking they were American (looking the part but speaking some really weird language way too well to not be a native speaker) . Occasionally you would find someone whose parents seemed to likely be within a five hour plane ride. I stood on the center of campus, surrounded by clean modern buildings, with a giant bell tower to the north that you could pay to gaze from the top. I was there mostly for curiosity, and I felt awe, a little bit of jealousy (okay, a lot), and some regret. It was hard to tell if on that Sunday the passerbys were actually relatives of students, students, teachers, or like me, tourists. Tourists at a school? Well, it is Stanford. 

I have been a very careful planner my whole life. Since seventh grade, I have been obsessed with goal setting. In seventh grade I had my yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals. Because I have thought things through so much and so often, I have had very few regrets in my life. There is one thing however that has been bothering me so much and I hope to bring closure to by writing this blog: go to an ivy league, or equivalent, school.

The reason: it seems like most successful people go to ivy league schools. Look at the presidents of the US, the leaders of big companies, prominent scientists, you name it, it just feels like they all went there. Sometimes I wonder if I can really be successful without that background. Watching the Social Network was really interesting, but also kind of depressing to realize how much higher the top is from where I stand, and to think that many kids have done more remarkable things that I have, at 27, while they were in high school. 

Obviously anyone reading this blog knows that BYU was always my first choice for undergrad; in fact, I didn't even apply anywhere else. To add to that, at the time I wanted to do meteorology, and I assumed some place like Oklahoma would be the best for that. However, my plans changed and I ended up doing actuarial science, and meteorology I kept in my back pocket.

As I approached my last semester, something felt off. I felt like there was something I really enjoyed, but I had disregarded it to be a rich actuary. After much thought, prayer, advice, reading, talking to people in the field, etc etc,  I decided to change my career plans and attend graduate school, something I had not planned on doing (nor prepared for). I only had one class I needed for graduation at that point.

Sometimes it is tough being the only one in your family to ever go a certain direction. I'm not talking about grad school, as many family members have done that, but a research based graduate program. If I was serious about getting into a good grad school, I should have been doing research with a professor in my undergrad. It's easy to see in hindsight, and I wish I would have known better. And I finishing my undergrad not only with no research experience, but with a major totally off from my intended goal.

The point is I was not prepared, in fact, woefully unprepared. And in more ways than just qualifications. I realized that I could go to really prestigious schools to study the atmosphere, not just Oklahoma or Utah. I was shocked to see how many people applied to a fellowship from Harvard, Princeton, etc. 

So when I accepted Arizona, I remember touring the campus, but one thing just ate at me. I was so disappointed that I did not prepare and try to get into Stanford, Yale, etc. It seemed so easy as other kids I have known, some who didn't seem brilliant, were at Chicago, Yale, etc. It just felt so painful because I had worked so hard in my undergrad to get a 3.97 overall GPA, and yet feel like I had just wasted my good grades. Not that Arizona is bad, in fact, I've met two people that did their undergrads at ivy league schools that are now grad students, but it doesn't seem like Arizona is the place to go if you want to be president (unless you are Bob Dole), or leader of a large company, etc. etc.  And add to that that many of my classmates in Arizona didn't seem to share the same motivation as me. I love it there though, which does count for something.

I have read books that say that it may not be so much the education that pushes these ivy leaguers to the top, but the fact that they are very motivated and talented people to begin with. I have also read books that say while being smart is good, you only have to reach a certain level to make a difference. The author compared intelligence to height in basketball: you need to be at least a certain height to be successful, but beyond that, height does not necessarily make you better.

I feel like 75% of me wanting to get a PhD (which right now I do not plan on doing) is just to say that I went to an ivy league school, but just to say that when it doesn't really fit into my career plans seems like a high cost for 5 1/2 years of school. 

So I guess there are two options: one, try to get into Harvard, Stanford, Yale, etc., for another 5 and a half years of school, or I could strive to be that unique guy with the different background. After all, as my advisor says, if you are good, you are good. As of today it looks like I'm heading down the second path.