I hate sports

From my earliest years, I have been a big sports fan. I have been mainly taught in the ways of BYU sports, but adopted teams for random reasons here and there, like the Colorado Rockies (I had a shirt, it made sense, but like the shirt, it didn't last). However, I have also been taught to hate the U of U, and I would rejoice and sulk more than usual when BYU would win or lose to them.

The dislike wasn't that strong even until well after my mission. Of course, here and there I would get annoyed at the loud-mouth obnoxious kid who would rub something in, but I don't remember many instances growing up. I had two companions that liked the U, and one we never once butted heads over colleges, and with the other for some reason we would argue random things (which looking back wasn't good) and that college sports came up once or twice, but really nothing special.

After my mission, I actually started to kind of like the U of U because at BYU, there are Utah bashers everywhere (the state of Utah, not the university). I would get so offended when people would make fun of it, or talk about how sheltered everyone was, and I remember a very popular Facebook group called "In Utah but not of Utah" where people just bashed on the state, so having the U do well to me was a way of getting back at them. In fact, I grew to like them even more when one day I was walking to the library and a group of U of U students came down to Provo and bought me and some other people ice cream, probably out of a measure of goodwill.

However, things started to go sour shortly thereafter. I don't want to bring up too many specifics, since they only seem to make people mad, but a few things happened that made me lose all respect towards the school up north. What didn't help was that I was listening to sports talk radio quite a bit then, and they would often do pot-stirring to get each fan base mad at each other, provoking callers to say nasty things about each other. Eventually I had to stop. Then every once in awhile I got sucked into comment boards and read the horrible things people say to each other....over football!!!!

It's gotten to the point that I can't sleep if the Utes win a big game, or BYU loses a big game, knowing the things that will be thought and said. This has happened three times over the past three weeks. I really do not think it is worth it anymore. Last night I was really tired and could have fallen asleep at 8:30, but I was so mad that Utah beat USC that I was up much of the night, and now today will be bad because I'm so tired and can't get it off my mind.

My problem is that I have learned to take things too personally. I am now at the U of A, and when ASU fans say bad things about UA, I just think "that's rude", but don't really care. However, if someone said the same thing about BYU, I would get so angry.

Why does it matter though? It's a GAME!!! It makes no difference in where I get a job, who I marry, where I travel, how much money I make, NOTHING! And I get so distraught about it. What's more, I do not live in Utah, I do not have any Ute friends, so why does it matter at all? It makes no difference in my life. I guess it is because I can't stand to see the enemy rejoice, after all the horrible things they do and say. But why must they be my enemy? I could be a fan if I wanted to; after all, it is my home state. I know there are lots of good people from the U. A couple of years ago I went to the BYU vs Utah basketball game, and BYU was getting worked most of the game. However, they came back and one. I remember I wanted to approach a Ute fan after the game in the stadium and shove it in his face (I wasn't going to do it, but I wanted to). However, I came across a family with little kids. It's too bad that we miss much of the good from a fan base because of the vocal idiots.

But I digress, something has to change. Besides the U of A football games that I already have tickets to, I am done with college sports for a year. I will check occasionally to see what's happening with BYU football, like if anybody got fired, etc., but I MUST detach myself from the emotions because they are way out of hand.
It's too bad because I love college sports, but more so now from just a macro view, following the best teams, etc.  But no, it all has to go for now until my emotions can be checked.

As for the damage that has been done, I have lost interest in my home state. I love to visit Utah, but there is too much about it that bothers me. That will be saved for a later post.

Reasoning Faith

First of all, I am in no way teetering upon apostasty in the slightest, but I have had a few thoughts about some trends. Recently the church has been struggling with members stumbling upon anti-Mormon material on the internet.  You can tell of these struggles when you watch General Conference (see Elder Holland's "Lord I Believe," Elder Ballard's talk about staying in the boat, and Elder Uchdorf's talk about how church leaders have made mistakes at one time or another). What's sad to me is that it exposes many member's fragile ground for belief; it seems to give new meaning to people who "buil(d) their houses upon the sand". While it seems members are building upon a sure foundation (the church), they in fact have very sandy foundations for the reasons for their beliefs. In other words, it seems that may have never had any strong reasons to believe, just go along with the flow, but when challenges come, they are not strong enough to overcome them.

I really doubt there is anything in anti-Mormon literature that would surprise me because I believe I have heard the worst of it. This started when I read "Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling." The book really is great, written by a faithful member, but gives what I think is a very unbiased view of the church. It has some things in it that are like, "Wow, that is very convincing evidence the church is true" (not that we should rely on evidence, but it's nice when things seem to match up). However, there are times when you are like "Joseph Smith really sounds like he had some lustful motives for things" or "Joseph was just making these 'scriptures' up." I researched many of the issues at length because it is important to be informed. I won't deny that at first it makes you feel like, "really? that's not at all how I imagined things or think things should be" and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach. But then you adjust your paradigm for how things really are and you move on.

In regards to these hidden facts, all could have reasonable explanations, but it feels like that car commercial where the guy is helping this hot random girl he meets with a leaky kitchen faucet, takes his shirt off to stop the leak, and the husband comes home and sees him with his wife--it looks bad, but really there were good motives. You have Joseph who had many wives, which many people know, but some were really young or even married to other men. It's easy to think that Joseph was immoral and was using his position of power for sexual gain. Many of his wives struggled with it. However, Joseph told them to pray about it themselves. There are accounts of many of these girls praying about it and having very special spiritual experiences that confirmed to them it was from God. Another is the Book of Abraham, how they found parts of the lost fragments in a museum but it ended up being nothing related to Abraham. However, we know that we do not have all of the papyri, in fact probably not even most, since much went down with the great Chicago fire. However, the story of Abraham in the Book of Abraham fits in comfortably with history and has facts about Abraham that are not found in the Bible but are known from other sources which JS did not have access to or was not known at the time. Lest any think I'm sowing seeds of discord, all of this information can be found on lds.org under the Gospel Topics section. I am very glad the church is putting those topics online, because if you grow up knowing those things, you don't get that shock when you find out from an anti-mormon with his well laid arguments. I think everybody should take the time to read all the good things they put on their, like DNA and the Book of Mormon, race and the priesthood, peace and violence among 19th century saints, etc. I believe that being ignorant really sets you up for some uncomfortable experiences at some point in your life.

But anyway, at one point I was searching and analyzing lots of different points because I wanted it to all be straight in my head, and it just seems like the numbers of criticisms against the church are so many that it feels overwhelming to resolve all of them. But I realized, what is the point of all of this material? All you have to say is that Joseph Smith saw God, and right there we move beyond the realm of logic. Why do anti-Mormon people waste their time? I mean so many things about the church are illogical, that seem to be more likely false than true, so why try to disprove it in the details? Really there is no work for anti-Mormons; the default is to not believe the simple doctrines and history of the church, and whoever believes it must have a good reason to believe it, by either proving Joseph Smith was a prophet or some other means. So if you can prove JS was a prophet and the church is true, you don't need to have answers to all of those criticisms; it's like you get a free pass on them all. It reminds me of cell phones. If someone in the 1500s was told they can talk to somebody anywhere in the world by talking into a box, in real time as well, they would think you were mad. However, if you demonstrated it, they would believe, because they actually saw it happen. However, they could try and argue that there are no such things as electromagnetic waves we can't sense with our bodies, or argue about how a device could find another phone by simply pushing some buttons, but the reality is that though it goes against reason, you have seen it done and you know it works.

I believe that's the same thing with how knowledge of spiritual things works with us. It saddens me when I see websites that help people exposed to anti-Mormon stuff because it seems like they miss the point. I watch these out of curiosity, not because I need it, FYI, but they make it sound like believing is simply a choice and you can't do any better than just choosing to believe in this life. I don't agree. We can know for a certainty.

Let me finish by giving my reasons for believing, starting with the least compelling and then moving on up. First of all, the principals of the LDS church do allow you to actually become something special. I'm not referring to gods, but I mean a quality individual, which alone is a great thing. Next, I do not know where the Book of Mormon could have come from if not from divine sources; no one has ever admitted to writing it, and Joseph Smith did not have the training to write it. We also have the compelling accounts of the 11 witnesses. Next, I believe many of the prophets have been visited by Christ. Carefully read the testimonies of the apostles, and at times they give hints. For instance, Elder Holland talked of things he "now knows...with a conviction that Peter called 'the more sure word of prophecy'" (which typically refers to the personal visit of the Savior). Elder Packer talked of JS's testimony when they said "He lives: for we saw Him" and that their words were his words. My brother Craig was in the room when someone asked Elder Scott point blank if he had seen Christ and he said he had. He has also said that he doesn't have a "wish, a hope, but an absolute, confirmed certainty" of God. Of course people say they have seen the Lochness monster, so we can't just rely on what people say. However, it does give compelling reasons to at least try the word. 

Now that brings me to the main reason why I believe. When I was young, like 12, I really struggled with faith. One night I laid in my bed overwhelmed by doubts and decided that I just did not believe because it did not make sense to me. However, the BOM says we can know if we ask, so I had to at least give it a shot before I decided to leave the church. 

I read the BOM and prayed. No answer. I prayed a lot over a period of time with no answer. I tried making my prayers as perfect as possible, with lots of energy, listening afterwards, very focused and with real intent. But nothing came. I had an interview for a temple recommend and the Bishop asked if I had faith, you know the first question. I said I did not know. His counsel was to keep seeking an answer. I studied the Gospel in every nook and cranny, from the teachings of the presidents of the church, to Mormon Doctrine, the scriptures, everything I could find. I went to a general conference and Elder Holland said to keep praying until you get an answer. I prayed a lot that night, but nothing happened.

The process was getting long, but I was determined. It all felt right, but I needed that absolute knowledge, not just a "yeah, this feels good, so it's probably true." I remember one night I prayed and I felt like it was a really good prayer, but no answer came. The next time I prayed to know I also felt like I had a really good prayer. Afterwards, I sat and listened, but no answer was coming. After I waited for a time, I asked myself, "How do you know the church is true?" And that instant, the answer came, and it was more remarkable than I ever imagined. I will only say about the experience that at first "I was afraid; but the fear soon left me." I had knowledge the church was true, just as I had desired. My faith was dormant because I knew for a certainty. That night has sustained me all of those years. I know that there is more than simply choosing to believe in this life, but any humble, open-minded, and diligent seeker of truth can have a knowledge of these things like I do. 

I'll take my free pass, thanks.

I never thought it would happen....

I didn't think that I would join Facebook, but with the encouragement of friends, I gave in. Next was Instagram, and I thought I would really get into that one, but I was never fully converted to it. After that came Snapchat, which is still fun. And now it has come to this--blogging. Slowly I catch up with the fads, but I must say I actually do enjoy writing. I got the idea from, well, ideas. Not being a very opinionated person, I occasionally have strong feelings about things. This is either because I think some people are being really stupid, or I am frustrated with something/someone, or I feel like I have a good idea. Plus I feel like it is a good way for people to really get to know you. We all change over time, and if you are distant from friends or family, they may not know how you have changed. I believe blogging can be a good outlet.

My intent is to share my feelings about different subjects, not really to be a travel log. I really hope I do not bore most people (though some things will definitely be boring to some), but why does it matter? YOLO. Even if nobody reads it, I have a record of my thoughts, which is important to me. However, all are welcome to read. Enjoy!